Eight Second Ride

It's pretty cliché to say "Let It Go" now because that's to a character that doesn't actually doesn't let go of her past but learns to accept it and face it. And that's what I am about to do. Facing this is one the biggest thing I have ever done. My life I have a feeling is going to be an eight second ride...

This girl is growing up finally. Does that change me? Sure! As my cousin loves to tell people, "If you have never changed in your life then you live a pretty dull, lonely life." People don't like change because so much is changing around them. I have been one of those people for too long. I have loved the normal and the safe. I push limits where I know that family will reel me in if I need it.

Did you hear that?--- That's the sound of me shutting the door to that part of my life. I am tired of listening to the complainers and the Debbie Downers. I am making me who I want to be! I will probably be more covered up in the future. Maybe, I am finally becoming a classy Southern girl with her pearls not found on her ankle the next morning.

Being single again kind of scares me but at the same time it empowers me. I am not daddy's little girl anymore. My attitude has changed toward life. I made decisions and people made decisions. We all have our faults. Will I make more decisions that are bad? Oh yeah because I am human.

One mistake I am not making anymore? Letting others control me, that is the girl is gone. I am embracing where I am from and the stock that I come from even if that's a tiny town that people think is a town. The land where a tide can roll and an eagle can be all about war. Also the colors auburn and crimson mean something like religion in my neck of the woods.

I have recently started talking to a guy that isn't from Alabama-- That's a first. I have dated from different ethnicities but this is a first. This guy isn't from my country at all so me being so country strikes him big time. He has his idioms and I have mine. Trust me, fixin' to is something I had never really given any thought about until he asked me what did I have to fix.

So I am starting out with something really new. Could this be the biggest mistake of my life? Sure, but will I regret it? Nope. Not one bit, because I am proud of who I was and who I am. Don't like it? Well let's just say this girl knows how to load more than her dishwater and her laundry. I have been able to shoot since the age of three.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 28: You Would Think I Would

After living through the turmoil of April 27th, you'd think I would be more aware of what to do during a storm but I am not. I am just not that organized. I do know that when I was living in an apartment with my exboyfriend I did request a ground floor apartment. 

Right now I live in Hunter's house, so there for I live in a house that it well prepared for any kind of disaster from fire, tornado, and snow. Trust me she got this. But you will find out about all of it when you read her blog in a few hours! 

But as far as me, no I don't have any plans. I may once we get our house built. 

Fresh Start Challenge Day 24: When You're The Best of Friends

You have your whole life mapped out on how you want something. You party all the time. You have a job. The world is revolving around you because you have a boyfriend. And, even though you are low on money a lot you still think life is pretty great.

First, cancer strikes your boyfriend. You have to change the map course a little. Your job starts to suffer because you have hangovers a lot. When cancer strikes and your job suffers the money goes even lower. Now you are begging to party but you have no money.

Then your boyfriend decided to dump you and you beg for him not leave. He stays longer until the worst hits. You find him lying big time to you about where he was. Instead of being at work he is hanging out with his friend you hate a lot. Instead not taking a lunch, he was really chatting up that girl that he never told he was taken. You think you can't live without him.

You leave to go see family except your favorite cousin who is clear across the country. You return to find your whole apartment trashed and empty. You finally realize you don't need that garbage in your life even if you feel guilty for him having cancer.

You just pray about where to go next. Your aunt calls telling you she sent a ticket to Seattle for you because your best friend/cousin is depressed from being sick and also needs help moving back to Alabama.

People can say what they want to about but why keep someone in your life that lies about where they are and doesn't have the respect and dignity for you to tell people they are with you. That's just keeping the person unhappy and you as well no matter "how badly" you think you love them or you make things work.

I am so grateful God put my path to intertwine with Hunter's. It hasn't been a perfect path. My heart has been broken again and it took a while to get a solid job. But I don't drink all the time now. My boyfriend now is a wonderful childhood friend who I know won't go off the deep end. I have grown closer to my family. I have new friends that really support me and make me laugh and give me new opportunities that take me to places I never dreamed about going.

But most importantly I have grow closer to God because he showed me that I needed to realize His relationship with me was more important than a relationship on Earth.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 12: Moving On

Dear Robert,

I was devastated the morning I woke up and found our place in ruins. You had completely destroyed our place and took what you could sale. On top of that you demolished my vehicle to the point it was not able to be fixed.

This isn't going to be long because I don't have much to say to you except that I hope soon you learn to accept yourself better. You were who I thought I would spend my life with even though I was an alcoholic because of that. I paid for your cancer treatments and everything and you just decide one more to devastate everything.

But I no longer hurt from that I've dealt with heartache since you but I also found true love. But I don't think that's thanks to you. That's probably a dark secret that I will take to my grave with me.

I hope you are doing well, because I'm not even sure if you are still alive.

xoxo,
Carolina.