The Evil Refrigerator Replacer

You open your fridge and realize someone has replaced all your food with things you hate to eat. Describe what's in there. And just take a guess at who did this. 

So I am starving, mouth watering with saliva thinking about the crunchy dill spear pickle. I'm talking on the phone, looking at the magnet on the fridge that says "Flatulence is not a form of creative expression, dear." I'm grabbing the jar that should be there and wham I look down to discover pickled pig feet! What is going on?

Frantically looking back into the fridge I start to freak out. Not even bothering to tell the person on the other end of the line on the phone, I lay the phone on the table. What happened to my strawberries, and why the heck are there beets there now?

Digging through the rest of the refrigerator I find more and more things that make my stomach somersault and try to lurch back into my throat! Chicken livers, millet, pickled ginger, and more gross things are starting to become small piles around you. You discover a can at the back of the fridge...

Thinking that it possibly be your saving grace can of chicken you grab it. Only to discover that it's a partially opened can of sardines! Giving a yelp and actually throwing it the entire can and it's contents into the trash you glare at the shelves in the now lukewarm refrigerator. 

You start looking through it again hoping someone hasn't completely lost their minds while getting groceries. A question package of meat is sitting on the shelf. You read the sticker and you almost vomit on the spot. Turkey necks! 

You quickly throw it away. But there is just one more thing to even think about touching in the fridge. Oh oh cheese!! Score! You open the package and the smell alone almost knocks you backwards. But who cares it's cheese. Getting the knife you slice into it. What the--- something moved in it. Literally moved! Oh my-- there are several things moving... Glancing at the label you read, "Casu Marzu." Ok that doesn't help you at all because the shelf life is still good.

Puking after reading on Google that it's other name is "Maggot cheese," you slam the door shut and vow that who ever did this will get a hodgepodge of this for supper. You make a list of people who would do this and finally circle the name. And they just thought pink slime was bad for them...

First things, first... If someone ever does this to me I promise that I will make sure they meet a very painful fate! Because this scenario is just plain evil, and if someone does this they should be punished!

This is total fiction. I was requested to write a response to this;

You open your fridge and realize someone has replaced all of your food with things you hate to eat. Describe what's in there.

Eight Second Ride

It's pretty cliché to say "Let It Go" now because that's to a character that doesn't actually doesn't let go of her past but learns to accept it and face it. And that's what I am about to do. Facing this is one the biggest thing I have ever done. My life I have a feeling is going to be an eight second ride...

This girl is growing up finally. Does that change me? Sure! As my cousin loves to tell people, "If you have never changed in your life then you live a pretty dull, lonely life." People don't like change because so much is changing around them. I have been one of those people for too long. I have loved the normal and the safe. I push limits where I know that family will reel me in if I need it.

Did you hear that?--- That's the sound of me shutting the door to that part of my life. I am tired of listening to the complainers and the Debbie Downers. I am making me who I want to be! I will probably be more covered up in the future. Maybe, I am finally becoming a classy Southern girl with her pearls not found on her ankle the next morning.

Being single again kind of scares me but at the same time it empowers me. I am not daddy's little girl anymore. My attitude has changed toward life. I made decisions and people made decisions. We all have our faults. Will I make more decisions that are bad? Oh yeah because I am human.

One mistake I am not making anymore? Letting others control me, that is the girl is gone. I am embracing where I am from and the stock that I come from even if that's a tiny town that people think is a town. The land where a tide can roll and an eagle can be all about war. Also the colors auburn and crimson mean something like religion in my neck of the woods.

I have recently started talking to a guy that isn't from Alabama-- That's a first. I have dated from different ethnicities but this is a first. This guy isn't from my country at all so me being so country strikes him big time. He has his idioms and I have mine. Trust me, fixin' to is something I had never really given any thought about until he asked me what did I have to fix.

So I am starting out with something really new. Could this be the biggest mistake of my life? Sure, but will I regret it? Nope. Not one bit, because I am proud of who I was and who I am. Don't like it? Well let's just say this girl knows how to load more than her dishwater and her laundry. I have been able to shoot since the age of three.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 30: Who I Was, Am and Will Be

Minus the resume and cover letter and how to vote.

Dear Crazy wild and stubborn,

You did decent. You probably shouldn't have stole that car but hey you didn't get caught. Good job on turning down the drugs. Don't worry about the beating the heart took it was just a few punches trust me in a few years it's going to be stomped on. 

That hairdo though... yeahhhhh you looked like a dude at times. Not cool. From now on lets keep it long and soft. The rest of it we did good. Okay and be really glad we ignored mom. She wasn't worth a damn anyhow.

Dear even more wild and crazy but less stubborn,

I don't hate you. Yeah you screw up but that's life. You can't have everything your way and thank you for finally realizing that. It makes us a lot happier. Thank you for finally settling down with a good guy with a good job that you KNOW will treat you right.

You look awesome in those jeans stop flipping out at the size of your butt. Get up and do more stair exercise and it may not jiggle as much then and atleast be more firm. 

Dear hopefully less wild and crazy but more stubborn,

You did it! You had kids with that Edwin dude! You look gorgeous, early wrinkles and all. You look hot mama. You handle everything well. You make getting old look good. Just stay naked!!!

Fresh Start Challenge Day 29: Cookie Crumbs

Mrs. Winthrop was peeking out of her window again hearing that weird growling again.

She knew the noise had to becoming from her neighbors. They were newlyweds so of course she was expecting sex noises.

The growling was accompanied by sex noises but the growling was an odd sort of growling. Surely they didn't take in bestiality the woman mused to herself.

Getting out her binoculars she peered finally into their window only to realize something shocking...

She zoomed in with her digital binoculars and was amazed.

The bride had cookies in her vagina and the man was happily munching the cookies out of her while rubbing her love button and squeezing her breasts.

Mrs. Winthrop put her house up for sale the next day.

Fresh Start Challenge Day 28: You Would Think I Would

After living through the turmoil of April 27th, you'd think I would be more aware of what to do during a storm but I am not. I am just not that organized. I do know that when I was living in an apartment with my exboyfriend I did request a ground floor apartment. 

Right now I live in Hunter's house, so there for I live in a house that it well prepared for any kind of disaster from fire, tornado, and snow. Trust me she got this. But you will find out about all of it when you read her blog in a few hours! 

But as far as me, no I don't have any plans. I may once we get our house built. 

Fresh Start Challenge Day 27: ROLL TIDE

Tailgating...

I have been doing this since I was before I born. My last couple of meals inside my mom was tailgating food. So there you go!

I love the games, the music, the food, the atmosphere, and of course the alcohol.

I love the area on the Quad.

The Quad is a large 22 acre green space at the heart of the University of Alabama’s campus. It is anchored by the President’s Mansion on the south. Most of the campus burned during the Civil War. The President’s Mansion was spared due to the efforts of the president’s wife, making it one of the oldest buildings on campus.

Seriously it might just be a square piece of land to some but to most of us wearing crimson and white and screaming about a rolling tide it means a  great deal of history to us.

Soooo during the fall on most Saturdays you can find me chowing down on the quad. 

Fresh Start Day 26: Deal Me

Gambit... Ahhh the Cajun that's ragin'. I love me a good southern boy with a dark side but still good. This is him. Total heartthrob.

And Channing Tatum is fixing to play him in the live action movie, um hello, yay!

I love how he is usually a hard ass but when it comes to who he loves his vulnerability shows and it's endearing.