Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Evil Refrigerator Replacer




You open your fridge and realize someone has replaced all your food with things you hate to eat. Describe what's in there. And just take a guess at who did this. 

So I am starving, mouth watering with saliva thinking about the crunchy dill spear pickle. I'm talking on the phone, looking at the magnet on the fridge that says "Flatulence is not a form of creative expression, dear." I'm grabbing the jar that should be there and wham I look down to discover pickled pig feet! What is going on?

Frantically looking back into the fridge I start to freak out. Not even bothering to tell the person on the other end of the line on the phone, I lay the phone on the table. What happened to my strawberries, and why the heck are there beets there now?

Digging through the rest of the refrigerator I find more and more things that make my stomach somersault and try to lurch back into my throat! Chicken livers, millet, pickled ginger, and more gross things are starting to become small piles around you. You discover a can at the back of the fridge...

Thinking that it possibly be your saving grace can of chicken you grab it. Only to discover that it's a partially opened can of sardines! Giving a yelp and actually throwing it the entire can and it's contents into the trash you glare at the shelves in the now lukewarm refrigerator. 

You start looking through it again hoping someone hasn't completely lost their minds while getting groceries. A question package of meat is sitting on the shelf. You read the sticker and you almost vomit on the spot. Turkey necks! 

You quickly throw it away. But there is just one more thing to even think about touching in the fridge. Oh oh cheese!! Score! You open the package and the smell alone almost knocks you backwards. But who cares it's cheese. Getting the knife you slice into it. What the--- something moved in it. Literally moved! Oh my-- there are several things moving... Glancing at the label you read, "Casu Marzu." Ok that doesn't help you at all because the shelf life is still good.

Puking after reading on Google that it's other name is "Maggot cheese," you slam the door shut and vow that who ever did this will get a hodgepodge of this for supper. You make a list of people who would do this and finally circle the name. And they just thought pink slime was bad for them...

First things, first... If someone ever does this to me I promise that I will make sure they meet a very painful fate! Because this scenario is just plain evil, and if someone does this they should be punished!

This is total fiction. I was requested to write a response to this;

You open your fridge and realize someone has replaced all of your food with things you hate to eat. Describe what's in there.

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